I deeply feared that taking space from these substances would make me less inclined to participate in the activities I thought I loved. Big, important, scary questions welled up from within the stillness and lack of distractions.
As I wandered down the long, slow, beautiful path of self-awareness and well-being, I began to understand that hating my breasts was counterintuitive to learning to love my body. I made a pact with my inner child and vowed to my higher self that I would work to transform this resentment of my breasts and put an end to this war that had waged my entire life.
This simple but powerful act of direct confrontation towards your inner judge not only reduces its seemingly unshakeable self-defeating strength, it also allows you to stand tall in your power. It helps you recognize that what you think is some irreparable mistake, or some end of the world happenstance, or some truth that will always be, is really just a small bump in the road on the journey of life and learning and love.
With nothing to lose, I rolled a small joint, laid down on the couch and inhaled a few puffs. Within moments, the death grip of my cramps began to lessen, the tension slowly fading away. I sunk back into the softness of my sofa and for the first time in years, experienced a deep sense of relief and release that I had forgotten was possible. Then, the unthinkable happened, I faded off to sleep.