I deeply feared that taking space from these substances would make me less inclined to participate in the activities I thought I loved. Big, important, scary questions welled up from within the stillness and lack of distractions.
Being that we also loved trekking around by foot on the forgiving forest floor, we decided to cap off the bikepacking mission with a backpacking adventure, roaming along the aforementioned Sunshine Coast Trail, giving our bodies (and butts) a little break from the saddle. That goal was suddenly in our grasp.
With nothing to lose, I rolled a small joint, laid down on the couch and inhaled a few puffs. Within moments, the death grip of my cramps began to lessen, the tension slowly fading away. I sunk back into the softness of my sofa and for the first time in years, experienced a deep sense of relief and release that I had forgotten was possible. Then, the unthinkable happened, I faded off to sleep.